


The Bet

by MelRows



Category: The Martian (2015), The Martian - All Media Types, The Martian - Andy Weir
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 07:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5326481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelRows/pseuds/MelRows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The crew bets Watney $100 that he'll be the first to drop the f-bomb during mission press. He takes them up on that bet. It's not the smartest move he's ever made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bet

Mark Watney was sure as fuck not going to lose this bet. It had all started in the cafeteria of the Johnson Space Center (JSC for short) about 6 months into their training. With each crew member having different tasks and responsibilities during the mission, they could sometimes go weeks without spending time together. In light of this, the crew had decided to try to eat lunch as a group whenever they were at JSC in order to build a rapport with each other before being shot into space for over a year.

“Did you guys hear Annie Montrose reaming out Dixon outside of the media auditorium this morning? It was brutal. Like my man Samuel L.-in-Pulp-Fiction brutal,” said Martinez. He and Commander Lewis had spent the morning in advanced orbital mechanics lessons learning the subject within the context of the _Hermes’_ capabilities before having a meeting with Henderson to discuss the simulation schedule for the next 3 weeks.

“Why? I just walked over from the BRI building. What happened?” Beck asked as he set his tray down at the table and pulled up a chair.

“He and the rest of Ares II were doing press on how they were adjusting back to life on Earth. And according to what I could hear of Annie’s yelling through Henderson’s office wall, which was actually a lot—that woman can be extremely intimidating when she wants to be—he nearly dropped the f-bomb at some point.”

The rest of the crew winced. They’d all heard what could happen to you if you got on Annie Montrose’s shit list.

“Hey, Watney!” Martinez said, turning his head to where Mark was sitting down the table, “Maybe you should go get tips from Dixon on how to survive an Annie-thrashing.”

“Come on!” Mark said, taking a bite of his sandwich, “What makes you think _I’d_ slip up on something like that? I’m a fucking professional!”

“Can you hear yourself talk?” Johanssen said incredulously from the corner.

“What? You too? Does everyone here think I won’t be able to make it through mission press without dropping the f-bomb?”

A chorus of yeses from the rest of the crew answered his question.

“Oh, come on! That’s bullshit!” Watney defended. “I can control myself just fine. And Martinez is just as bad as I am!” he said, gesturing to Martinez, who had just crammed half of his panini into his mouth at once.

He struggled to swallow and then turned to face Mark. “Really? You want to put your money where your filthy mouth is?” Martinez said with a smirk.

“Of course!” Watney said, turning to Martinez with a shit-eating grin, “And your mom knows exactly how filthy—”

“Watch it, Watney,” Commander Lewis cautioned with a small smile.

“Ok, I bet you a hundred bucks that you’re the first person to drop the f-bomb during mission press,” Martinez says.

“You’re on! Easiest hundred bucks ever made,” Watney said.

“Hold on,” Beck said, sitting up strait in his chair before leaning over the table closer to where Watney and Martinez were facing off. “I want in on this. I bet a hundred that Watney’s first, too.”

“Same here,” Johanssen piped up. 

“I usually wouldn’t condone betting on crewmates,” Lewis said, putting down her protein smoothie,  “but this might actually motivate you to stay in the line during press. One-hundred bucks for a scandal-free mission? I’m in.”

“Commander, I just want you to know that I’m deeply hurt that you have so little—” Watney started.

“I’m in also,” Vogel interrupted.

 “Herr Vogel?! You too? I thought we were friends! We’re chemistry buddies!”

“Yes, but the rest of the crew do not also have media relations responsibilities,” Vogel said. “You have more time to fail. It is simple math, my friend.”

It was true. Somehow, out of the six of them, he’d ended up in charge of media relations for the Ares III crew. Commander Lewis had too many responsibilities overseeing the rest of the crew to be burdened with interviews. Martinez’ main responsibilities as pilot meant that during the peak times of media interest (before the launch, before the Mars descent, and before Earth reentry) he would be busiest, and thus also unavailable for the job. Johanssen, a natural introvert, was much more comfortable hosting reddit AMAs while safely behind her computer screen than she was talking to large groups of people about their mission. And while Vogel would be doing plenty of press for the ESA, NASA wanted one of their own to handle press stateside.

And that left the media position to either Beck or Watney.

Dr. Chris Beck had been flagged by media relations the moment he’d stepped into Johnson Space Center for the first day of training as a fresh-faced astronaut candidate (AsCan for short, and pronounced exactly as one would expect). Good looking, professional, and experienced in explaining complex scientific jargon in lay terms to his patients, he’d had Annie Montrose and her team chomping at the bit to throw him in front of a camera and on the front page of the website. Unfortunately, Annie’s high hopes were dashed during the first day of media training when all of Beck’s charm and grace completely and consistently disappeared every time a camera was pointed at him. The man was absolutely terrible in front of cameras, and Annie had been forced to disappointedly instruct him to defer to his crewmates when answering questions that weren’t pre-planned.

So that somehow left the most foul-mouthed member of the bunch the go-to person on the crew for when Annie’s office needed someone for interviews, in flight lessons for kids, or marketing campaigns with NASA’s partners. It also meant that he’d have the primary responsibility for social media, a task about which he was actually really excited. But, he had to admit, all of the added exposure meant that he _did_ think he was at a disadvantage for the bet at hand.

Not that he was going to let them know that.

“Ok, so rules: if I’m the first to drop the f-bomb during press, I owe each of you $100. But _when_ one of you drops the f-bomb first, you all owe me $100. Is that right?” Watney clarified.

“Sounds good to me,” Johanssen said.

“Then you're all on,” Watney said as he grabbed his tray and got up from the table. “I’m expecting you guys to give me my $500 in the form of a massive check. I’m serious. There better be balloons.”

“Uh huh, sure. I’m taking Marissa out for some big-ass steaks when you lose!” Martinez shouted after him.

 

_7 months later_

 

“I don’t even know what language that is,” Watney muttered. “Is that Armenian?” He asked as he flipped over the instructions for how to work the new model of the GoPro camera that had launched with them.

He was supposed to start the live broadcast to NASA TV any second. Annie had emailed him that morning to say that she’d managed to secure the featured livestream of the day on Twitter. She’d also told him he better not fuck this up. Neither the Ares I nor Ares II crews had given a tour of the _Hermes_ , so this would be the first time a lot of people on the ground were going to be able to see the ship up close.

“Ahh… fuck me,” he continued his muttering. It couldn’t be that much different than the GoPro he had back in his storage locker on Earth. Tossing aside the instructions, he picked up the camera and pressed a few buttons as he tried to get it situated on the mounted GoPro arm that Lewis was currently still holding steady.

“Ok… that has to go in there…” he said to himself as Lewis watched on in amusement.

Finally getting it attached, he stepped back to see the red light flashing, indicating that he was live to the millions watching below.

“Hi kids! Uh,” he said has he tried to remember his media training. “This is Mark Watney, astronaut.” 

Off to a stellar start already, he thought. He could see Lewis cover her mouth while trying not to laugh at him.

“We’re about six hours before our launch here on the _Hermes_ , and I’ve been asked by the good folks at NASA to introduce you to some of our crewmates here, which I’m happy to do. So, hello Earthlings…uh…Mark Watney here. I’m your personal guide on this tour of the _Hermes_.”

As he reached out to pause the recording so he could move to the bridge, he saw Lewis raise her eyebrows at him in amusement.

“Fucking ‘astronaut.’ I get screwed—“ Watney said.

Lewis’ eyebrows raised more and she couldn't stop her laugh from escaping as Watney realized what he’d said. 

“Wait, are we still rolling?” he asked, before to double checking to see that the camera was not blinking. It looked okay, but he wasn’t sure.

“Hey, we stopped rolling. It wasn’t aired, so it doesn’t count! I didn’t lose the bet!” Watney insisted.

“Alright, whatever you say, Watney.”

Mark picked up the camera, moved it to the bridge, and started filming each crew member as they went through their pre-flight checks. He had Martinez, Beck, and Vogel introduce themselves. He spent some time interviewing each of them in addition to asking about what was on their screens and what it meant. He kept the camera rolling for the livestream as he described the purpose and function of the different areas of _Hermes_. He figured NASA could just edit out whatever they didn’t want for promotional material after the livestream was finished.

He finally caught Johanssen at a free moment and settled in to talk to her.

“And who let you on the ship? How about you tell us who you are, and what you do,” Watney said as he pointed his camera at Beth.

“I’m Beth Johanssen…” she said, as she tried to control her nerves by reviewing the systems readouts on her screen. “…The computer expert,” she added as an afterthought.

“That’s it?” Watney smirked teasingly.

Beth smiled back, ready for a challenge, “I’m fucking psyched about going to Mars.”

Watney internally fist pumped. He just got $500 richer.

“Thanks. That’s a hell of an answer…” Mark said as he readjusted the camera “…for the entire world,” he added.

He saw the moment she realized what she’d said—and what it meant.

She let her head fall back against the headrest and groaned while Mark laughed. He continued talking to her for a bit and allowed the people watching on the ground to learn a bit more about her before he retreated and progressed with the tour. He ended up finding Lewis in the lab and catching up with Beck and Vogel again later in the kitchen.

With the tour finally complete a couple of hours later, he circled back around to the storage bay where he had started. After thanking the people back on Earth and wishing them farewell, he turned off the camera and ended the livestream.

As soon as the camera was off, he turned to the rest of his crew.

“You all owe me $100 when we get back to Earth!” Watney said as he pointed to Johanssen. “Tell them what you said!” 

“I didn’t know it was live!” Johanssen wined as she tried to move herself lower in her seat. 

“She said, and I quote, ‘I’m fucking psyched about going to Mars’ right into my camera,” Watney said triumphantly.

“Ughhh!” The rest of the crew moaned.

“Alright, we’ll get you your $500 when we get back,” Beck said. “Honestly, I’m actually really impressed with you Watney. I was sure you were going to break when we had that meet and greet at the Smithsonian in Washington,” he continued. 

“Oh ye of little faith!” Watney gloated. “I’ll think of you all when I’m spending your money.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t be a sore winner,” Martinez said.

“Hey guys, hold up; we’ve got Houston on video comms,” Johanssen said, hitting a few button on her keyboard until Annie Montrose’s face showed up on the bridge’s main view screen.

“What the fuck was that, Watney?” Annie’s voice came in through the speakers.

“Hey,” Watney said with his arms raised, “I wasn’t the one who swore!”

“Don’t give me that shit, Watney. Both you and Johanssen said ‘fuck’ on a livestream that was seen by people all over the world!”

“Wait, when?” Watney said, as he thought back. Oh shit, the—

“The beginning of the livestream, that’s when. I thought you’d know how to operate the damn camera!”

The rest of the crew snickered behind him. Vogel and Beck high-fived each other while Lewis covered her mouth to hide her grin.

“Uhh…” Mark stuttered, his hand coming up to the back of his neck, “Yeah, sorry about that.” 

“You damn well better be. If you weren’t leaving orbit in 2 hours I would spend more time ensuring how sorry you are, but since you _are_ launching in 2 hours, I’ll leave it at that,” Annie said.

“The fact that the livestream had an overwhelmingly positive response on social media is also working in your favor, but don’t push it, Watney,” she continued. “I’ll send you an email tomorrow reviewing the social media expectations as well as a few times over the next few days we want you to take pictures of Earth—pale blue dot, and all that.”

“You bet. Thanks Annie, you’re the best; I don’t know what we’d do without you,” Mark said, trying to arrange his face into something innocent looking.

“Don’t even try, Mark.”

“Noted.”

“Thanks for the message, Annie,” Commander Lewis cut in.

“Yeah, good luck guys. Houston out.” Annie said, before the screen went black.

The crew turned to Mark with smirks on their faces. Lewis raised her eyebrows in an expression that told him she wanted him to grovel.

“You know,” Mark said, his hands raised, “I think the important thing here is that that was _way_ less harsh than it could have been. And in my defense, I didn’t know—”

“Nice try, Watney,” Lewis said. “You owe us all $100 when we get back to Earth.”

“Man, I can taste the expensive steak already!”

“Shut up, Martinez.”

“Not a chance, Watney.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked this. Let me know what you thought of it! I'm on tumblr at hogwartshiddenswimmingpool.tumblr.com


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